Felicitaciones, España

"We were not the first, but I am sure we will not be the last. After us will come many other countries, driven, ladies and gentlemen, by two unstoppable forces: freedom and equality." - Prime Minister of Spain Jose Luis Rodriguez Zapatero

In my 11th grade Sociology class, I had a contenscious issue with my teacher. He said stated that one does not truly become an adult until you become responsible for the life of another. In short, he was saying you didn't grow up until you started having kids. Even in my youth, I realized that meant that gay people don't grow up if they never have children.

Well, for the most part, the theory turned out to be correct. Moving to San Francisco proved it to me. I know more middle-aged teenagers than anywhere I've ever seen. In many cases, there really isn't much difference emotionally between a 25-year-old and a 45-year-old gay man. (I'm generalizing, I realize, but in many cases, of course not all, it is correct.) And it makes sense. We grow up, we go off to college, but after that we really veer off the track that society expects of us. We're not expected to get married or have kids, and thus in the mind of my sociology teacher, we never grow up. And empirical evidence would show him to be correct.

Until now. In February 2003, when Mayor Newsom opened marriage to same sex couples, I watched friends after friends after friends getting married. People who had been dear friends, couple who had been together for years and years, finally say their vows and have it recognized, with the rights and responsibilities that came with it. Suddenly I myself was faced with a question I'd long since given up on: Holy crap, I could get married too.

Now, far from running out and just finding someone to marry, it was different. For years I'd just given up on the idea. Not that I wouldn't ever find someone and settle down, but it could never go to the next step. Even worse, no one even really expected it of you.

Until now. Suddenly all my friends around me were getting married. I was faced now with my own singlehood.

And suddenly our expectations and the rest of society's expectations were the same. Well, maybe not all of society's. Some people want to make sure I never get married, even amend constitutions to put it under heavily guarded lock and key. But that's not my point.

My point is, I suddenly felt like a real member of society. I was given the same rights, responsibilities and expectations as everyone else. For so long, I'd felt like I'd been living in a bubble, completely separate from society. And now the bubble had burst.

And it shows. There was a recent report that STD rates among gay men fell in countries that allowed either same sex marriage or civil unions, compared to countries that did not. It turns out that gay men are now expected to find one guy, settle down and, well, grow up. That was Jesse Ventura's theory of what would happen if you allowed same sex marriage. Turns out he was right. Great empirical evidence.

And so, I'd like to say Congratulations Spain. Congratulations on treating all of your citizens with all the rights, responsibilities and expectations that everyone enjoys. And to my Spanish comrades, welcome to the rest of the world.