Some of my best friends...

Let me start this out with saying, some of my best friends are, well, uh, Mormon. It's a pretty controversial thing to say these days, what with the bad flak they've been getting lately. Not entirely undeserved, mind you.

Having said that, today is now two weeks since the election. I still have problems sleeping at night. I still find myself dwelling on it, doing things like washing my hair twice or forgetting to shave. It's the little things.

Yes, I'm deeply disappointed at the black vote, that Free at Last, Free at Last, Thank God almighty we (but not you) are free at last.

And that being said, I lay the blame very much on the Mormons. Not all Mormons, or even all their followers, of course, but definitely the church itself.

And let me say as well, they are completely allowed to express their beliefs. What they do in the ballot box is entirely between them and the ballot box.

Having said that, they completely crossed a line. And let me put this extremely succinctly: When you donate to a campaign, you cross the line from voting to campaigning. You're not merely expressing your beliefs, but attempting to influence others.

Again, there's nothing wrong with that. But I have every right not to like it either. In fact, the Yes on 8 campaign intended to do exactly that, sending out letters to No on 8 supporters threatening to extort them and publish their names on their web site if they did not donate at least as much to the Yes effort. Of course, those records are already public, so the effort failed.

So don't get all high and mighty with me when you're offended that we're attempting to influence you. It was your idea, and turnabout is fair play.

No, what really burns me is the fact that they realized late in the game that if things kept going the way they were going, they would lose. Fighting fair wasn't winning. They had to get ugly.

And ugly they got.

For here in California, they realized there was a huge middle. A set of people that didn't care. In fact, several of my friends are opposed to same sex marriage because of their religious beliefs. But as far as what other people do, that's they're own business.

As Wanda Sykes puts it, if you don't like gay marriage, don't get gay married.

So what burns me is that the Mormon church was called in to save the day, to make sure Proposition 8 passed at any costs. The extortion tactics were just the beginning. They blatantly told people they would teach gay marriage in schools. (Mind you they don't teach marriage at all in schools.) They said they would take away tax exemptions to churches, or force them to marry same sex couples in churches, or that free speech would become hate speech. All lies.

If that's not bearing false witness, I have no idea what is.

And that's why we're mad. If they didn't lie, they wouldn't have won, and because they lied, my rights were taken away.

I am completely fine with people voting with their beliefs. But once they lie, cheat or steal in order to do it, that doesn't seem to me to be very Christian.

And like the irony of the many blacks voting against civil rights, Brigham Young once argued it was no business of the government defining marriage for the church. Apparently now his followers believe it is the business of the church to define marriage for the government.

The Tyranny of the Majority

I met my partner Dan at a rugby fundraiser one year ago. We had our first date on November 3, 2007, and one year later we're still together. We celebrated our one year anniversary on Monday, and we hope for many more. We had the opportunity to get married, but I did not want just a quick marriage. I wanted to stand before my friends and family and do it right. That's just how I was raised.

Then on Tuesday, came the election. I walked down to my election place, took my ballot and first marked "No" on Proposition 8. Then I turned back to the first page and cast my vote for Barack Obama. Perhaps I was fearful that should something happen in the middle of choosing from the 34 propositions on the ballot, my votes against the measure and for the president could at least be counted.

No one ever said giving equal rights was a popularity contest. The Little Rock Nine, who were nine black students who were to be integrated into an all white school, they had to be escorted to school by the National Guard. The governor himself literally stood in their way.

At one time, the rights to marry the partner of your choice had been even more confined, afforded to only those who had chosen a partner of their own race. Even then, the bible was cited, that, angry at the tower of Babel, God had separated the races across the Earth. Surely, he wanted them to stay that way. Few would agree now. But at the time, 96% of whites agreed to that.

But apparently unlike so many of those who fought for the civil rights of other minorities, we must wait for discrimination to sit down before others to may stand up.

Tuesday was by far a historic day. We elected a black man president. We chose to give farm animals more rights. And we voted to take rights away from gay people.

Thousands and thousands of Californians had their rights removed. With every anniversary a straight couple celebrates, there are thousands of couples had theirs taken away.

I am very happy for the thousands of couples who did marry in the brief time they could. Many were together 10, 15, 20, 25 years and more. It would be difficult to argue that they would do anything but add to the institution of marriage.

And so we're back to the way it was one year ago. When Dan and I met, "partner" was the highest point our relationship could reach. And then we were granted more. I saw so many of my friends not only get married, but at least as many get into long term relationships, many (including myself) who had spent far more time single than coupled, because of the examples set before us, showing us that there was more out there for us. When not just a few, but an entire community celebrates your committed relationship, aren't we all strengthened?

And so yesterday became a new anniversary. A very dark one. A day when the tyranny of the majority spoke. A few very brave people risked their political lives so we could get to this point. All to be cast aside by the many who have never had an entire state decide whether or not they could get married.

Imagine in 1954 if the people of the country changed the constitution so those nine students had to go back to their black schools, or banning interracial marriage. Based on polls, both would have passed handily. One of our nation's finest moments would have turned into one of nation's biggest regrets.

Those couples who have been together 5, 10, 15, 20, 25 years and more had their chance. But what about those who have not yet been together 5, 10, 15, 20, 25 years and more? Will the thousands of Californians who rights were taken away even want to, without that to look forward to?

Eventually, I am confident we shall prevail. The trend is moving our way.

Barack Obama was born seven years after the Little Rock Nine. Today he is president. As we approach the 30th anniversary of the assassination of Harvey Milk, perhaps those who were born in the years after will have similar opportunities before them. Or will we find ourselves spending our sunset years telling our children and our children's children about a time in America, back in the day, when marriage was afforded to all? Or yet, when our children ask, which side will we say we were on?

It is truly in my heart that those who voted for proposition 8 voted on the side of bigotry. Those of us who voted against it will have voted on the side of history.

We may have lost the battle, but we will win the war. If Proposition 8 was a casualty, it will be a martyr, and the anniversary of the day it was passed will be remembered, for the thousands of Californians who will not be able to celebrate their own anniversary. And for our supporters, every wedding and every anniversary is a reminder of the harmed institution in which they partake, sullied by discrimination. They are periodic reminders of the rights they enjoy, the rights of which thousands of Californians are not allowed to partake in. And together, we will not stop until this ugly stain upon our history is removed from the books. If it takes a generation, it will be removed.

So Dan and I are still partners. But we will be able to get married in our lifetimes. It may take time, but history will eventually go our way. I echo our President-Elect Obama when I say, "The road ahead will be long, our climb will be steep. We may not get there in one year, or even in one term, but America I have never been more hopeful than I am tonight that we will get there."

Yes we can.

Joe Carlin