Here we go again

Okay, this time, it's personal. :-)

My recently finished up my contract with the State Bar. I have another contract I'm working on, but it's on a little hiatus as the project manager is on maternity leave. (Okay, technically his wife had the baby, but he's home for a couple weeks bonding.) Which is all well and good, because, man did I need the time to get things back in order!

So I woke up this morning on day 2 of No Particular Place to Go, and I was thinking, besides all those things I really should do, is there anything I want to do while I have the time?

And then I stated to think about the day and such, and then I thought, oh, Tuesday! I want to go down to City Hall on Tuesday. Not to get married silly, to watch all those happy couple do exactly that.

You see, I was here during the famous Valentine's Day wedding marathon of 2004, but of course like most stiffs, I was working. I remember vividly the immense joy and happiness that permeated throughout San Francisco as happy couples drove through the streets joyously proclaimed "Just Married". This time, wow, I could actually see it for myself.

And I remember something else that hit me. One day, I could actually get married myself.

For someone who's always had the privilege, you have no idea what it's like not to be able to. Not even having the option. Granted, I was more than a little hesitant when the court decision came down. After all, Dan and I have only been dating a few months! (Trust me, I am not yet ready to get married! I'm just barely getting used to the idea that I even can!) Which brings me to my next point. Now I can.

You see, when it's never an option, you never have that to aspire to. You think, oh, maybe I'll meet someone and we'll settle down and get a place together and have 2.3 pets and grow old together and such. (Mind you, it's not the only option. My friend Wayne and I have a pact that if we retire and we're still single, we're moving to Miami and getting a houseboy named Carlos. Just to clean the pool, silly.) But married? To stand in front of my friends and family and God and everyone and say, I take you to be my lawfully wedding husband, to have and to hold, for richer or for poorer, in sickness and in health, even if you cruise that cute cub who just started working at Starbucks (hey, I'm not gonna take the script word for word!). No, it hadn't crossed my mind.

Until now. And I'm only now starting to realize how powerful that is. I've known scores of same-sex couples who've "tied the knot" in civil ceremonies, declared themselves "partners for life", and I don't mean to diminish that. But seriously, to say, this is my husband, and have it mean everything it means, that's completely different. It's a legal recognition, at least within the state bounds of California or Massachusetts (and let's face it, I honestly don't care if those bastards in West Virginia ever acknowledge it), but also in New York, most anywhere in the European Union, South Africa, and dotted little archipelagos all over he world. It means something not only to you, but to them.

And therein lies the rub. You now have that to aspire to.

I was reading the other day that they expected a major sea change in the lifestyles of gay men. I completely believe it. And it doesn't mean we're all going to get married. But it does mean it's a whole lot more acceptable to be in a relationship. Maybe to "whore" out a bit less. To be less promiscuous. To go out to bars even with your partner (or your boyfriend) and hang out with other couples, rather than just to pick someone up. I've seen it myself in San Francisco, the famous land of the "candy store", where you could go home with someone different every night if you want to.

Just now, maybe a little bit less, people don't want to. Man, that's power.